Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Do They Know It's (Not) Christmastime?

Our local light radio station started running announcements yesterday that it would soon start playing "nonstop Christmas favorites!" JB and I have discussed--at length--when this would happen, and we think it'll be next Monday or Sunday. Because, you know, who cares about that one Major Holiday still left to celebrate before Christmas really gets going?

I like listening to nonstop Christmas music. It can get kinda old as the season wears on, though.

But what I hate, hate, HATE in the most grinchly fashion are certain awful Christmas songs that should be banned from everywhere for all time. Since I haven't actually heard any of them since last year, I could only come up with a partial list:

--"Do They Know It's Christmas?" by Band Aid. It's 80s schlock at its worst.
--"The Christmas Shoes" by Newsong. The most horribly syrupy chunk of awfulness ever to hit the airways.
--"Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. The repetitiveness of this song and its enthusiastic use of synthesizers make me want to stab things into my eyeballs.
--"Happy XMas (War is Over)" by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. She may be a very nice person, but she seriously has the worst voice in the history of ever. Plus those kids are out of tune. Just because they're kids doesn't mean they can sing. Not all kids' choirs are created equal, people.
--"Celebrate Me Home" by Kenny Loggins. What in the holy night is this song even about? How does one go about celebrating someone else home?
--"Last Christmas" by Wham. They sound like repetitive transvestites. That's all I can say.
--Any Christmas music by James Taylor. The nasal whine for some reason is way more grating on Christmas music than it is on his regular songs. He needs to stick to what he does best.
--"Silent Night" by Stevie Nicks (I think). She sounds like a dying goat who smokes three packs a day and got run over by a semi right before the song started.

Obviously somebody likes this stuff because it Keeps Getting Played Every Year on our local stations.

Then there are the secret guilty pleasure Christmas songs. You know, those ones that are awesomely bad, but you still kinda like them and find yourself singing along in the car when they come on the radio? I do that with "Same Old Auld Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg. I had to google it to find out the name of the song and who sang it. It's sooo ridiculously dumb...yet strangely compelling... For some reason I can't help listening to it and singing along when it comes on. Weird.

So fess up. What are your most hated Christmas songs? Or do you like some of these? (And why? Why??) What about the songs you wish you didn't like, but kinda do?


shannon said...

"The Christmas Shoes" needs to go to a dark place and die, and never be played again. I absolutely, 100%, CANNOT tolerate it!!!

Literary Snob said...

I'm so with you on that list and I have to agree--"The Christmas Shoes" makes me want to pull my hair out everytime I hear it.....though my one guilty Christmas song pleasure is "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses which is dumb yet catchy enough that I end up singing along.....

Becky said...

I absolutely can't stand "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" but I still can't bring myself to wish they never played it again. How twisted is that?

Oh, and I am SO with you on the 'shoes' song. Blech.
:) Becky

Michelle said...

I don't think I know 'The Christmas Shoes' My favourite is Mariah Carey's version of 'All I Want For Christmas' - I really can't think of any Christmas songs I hate or that are annoying. Maybe I need to think about it more.

Lizzy said...

Feliz Navidad! Lord, I hate that song. When it comes on I just want to duck under my desk and plug my ears.

Rickelle said...

I have to protest your Wham! hatred!! I freaking love that song!

Casey said...

Ok, I love 96.9 all Christmas and turned it on today at work. I love the Hippopotamus song. My sister and I sing it every year. Annoyingly fun!

AC said...

The Hippopotamus Song is my FAVORITE!